Time – Everything and Nothing

The line of cubicles appeared as if nothing had been moved or worked in for months. They hadn’t. Several surrounding offices also displayed Valentine’s Day decorations from February 2020. Everywhere I looked, empty offices that hadn’t been habited in 11 months contained photographs, office supplies and even sweaters still hung on the back of chairs.

While the eerie scene at my new job reminded me of a SciFi thriller, nothing was stranger than the desk next to mine where the woman’s calendar remained laid on her desk, opened to March 2020. Her hand cream, space heater and half full bottle of water remained exactly as they were nearly a year earlier. Like most of the company employees, she now worked from home with no intentions of returning.

I found it very curious why the permanently remote employees wouldn’t have come back to the office to collect their personal belongings. Just as I determined to clean up that desk next to me, the woman showed up one day! I was excited at the prospect that maybe there would be another human in the beautiful but empty building but that was a short-lived hope. She explained how she hadn’t been there in nearly a year, came in for a brief meeting, and let me know she would not be returning. Well, at least she could finally get her stuff.

As she put on her coat, I didn’t feel comfortable asking but seriously wondered why she wasn’t at least taking her hand cream with her. Or why she wasn’t throwing out the food in her drawers that was likely stale or worse. We merely exchanged pleasantries and she reaffirmed that she would not be returning.

A few days later, the orderly gal that I am could no longer walk by that desk without cleaning it. I put away her personal belongings and notified management that they might want to address the food in the drawers. Order was restored.

Weird, right?

A few days later, I looked at the cleared desk next to me and still saw that calendar in my mind, opened to March 2020. Flipping my own devotional calendar page to February 12^th, I was once again stunned by the speed of time. Some people are still enjoying their outdoor Christmas lights but the reality is that lent starts this week.

It’s been a whirlwind month, starting a new job, hosting my daughter’s (serious) boyfriend from 1500 miles away, game nights with the kids, teaching Sunday School and lots of cooking and cleaning up. Blessings have abounded these last five weeks but I need some quiet time where life slows. Don’t we all?

Staring at my February 12^th devotion, time and numbers started occupying my mind. Other than collapsing in bed for six hours a night, I hadn’t rested. Where do we fit in rest between work, ministry and serving others? I’m still trying to do everything I did with my 32-hour work week in the old job, with my 47-hour work week in the new job.

Listening to my brother-in-law wonder out loud about what will happen now that oncologists have run out of options for him, time and numbers again filled my thoughts…

• That book I started in December has just one more chapter waiting for me to finish…
• Door to door commute and work hours tally around 50…At 20 I would have been okay with that. At half a century, I have other interests.
• The new work project has 950 lines of Excel that require a minimum of 20 minutes per line
• My eyes raise to the circle clock on the office wall and I fixate on the second hand…the sound of the tick, tick, tick suddenly seems louder…
• My precious bonus child texts that the baby has arrived, 7lbs…my eyes tear with joy, then with sadness that her Mom and my friend has been gone nearly 5 years…
• My counterpart announces the number of walking steps on her watch…
• I think of the 40 WordPress posts I’ve missed…written by wonderful people who I enjoy so very much…

We count everything. We also measure and size…Our weight. Her weight. His height. Her hair length. His car. Their score, salary, square footage…

My brother-in-law has never been concerned with such things and more than ever could care less about anything worldly. His thoughts have become other-worldly. He speaks often of the Lord. His somberness makes me reevaluate…

It’s February of 2021. Yes, we need to earn a living but we also need to live. How much is enough? Does living on less-than necessarily equal a less-than life? I think of those folks who downsized giant homes, quit good jobs, made former hobbies their current living – at less salary but more joy.

Countless novelists and song writers have centered their work upon time.

Time is fleeting but can feel slow…hours in a boring job, 2am blood pressure checks when you’re hospitalized – praying endlessly to just. Go. Home.

Whether we’re waiting for Covid to pass or the promotion to arrive or the child to outgrow the terrible twos…we must caution ourselves not to wish those seconds away. I’ve certainly been guilty of it. While God operates outside of time, we stare at it. On our phone, wrist, the wall…we are excited in November when we gain an hour and grumble in March when we lose it again.

As is with most of life, balance seems to be one solution to our modern-day time-obsession. Balance work with play. Balance activity with rest. Sometimes doing nothing isn’t wasted time. It’s just refreshment for what’s next. I’m taking my own advice.

On this Valentine’s Day, my belly is full of delicious food my husband made. My kids are with their significant others and I’ve rested much of the afternoon. Sure, there were many tasks post-church that could have been done, but spending time reading, writing and watching a Hallmark movie were necessary before embarking upon the demanding week ahead.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

The Bedrooms Tell the Passing of Time

My times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15

Mama, will you sleep with me? This request came from my 15-year old and sometimes is even asked by my 17-year olds. I said “yes” and I woke up to this :):As I laid quietly, listening to the breathing of my girls, the birds chirping outside, the sun peeking through the blinds, I was overcome with the speed of it all. Harry Styles was “it” a year ago. She still likes him, but the “super” excitement over 1D has cooled slightly. I’m sure this will pick up again late this summer when we travel to see them in concert.  We’ve been at this house for six years. It was the beginning of middle school for my twins and 4th grade for my youngest, whose “wall” you see above. The girls share a room now, but in our last home, they each had their own themed rooms. For my youngest, Winnie the Pooh and the 100-acre wood ruled for 10 years.

For my oldest daughter, Belle from Beauty and Beast did, and still kind-of-sort-of still does hold a special place in her heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you look deep in their closet, you can still see old costumes squashed in the back: The inspiration behind a full-sized surf board in a home in New York State was back in 2011 when Bethany Hamilton’s story came to the big screen. My youngest loved (and still does) Bethany, her story, and above all, her positive attitude and faith in God.

My daughter told everyone of her plan to save for that board, and surf someday. She did not stop talking about Bethany’s faith and resolved to save and surf. Within two years, my then 13-year old had accomplished both goals.

Winnie the Pooh is still a favorite on a few shelves, but no longer wall-worthy. The “la la’s” that she was literally inseparable from until the 5th grade (9 years!), still remain on her bed, but not under her arm at night.

But, my oldest daughter can still be found nearly every morning clutching her “dollies” since the age of three.

While my girls have painted their room twice in six years and redecorated three times, my son’s room is not only exactly same, but when I’ve asked him a few times if he would like to update it, he says, “No!” Signed autographs, framed highlights, books filled with cards, sticks and piles of Hockey News fill his room. His love of hockey will be life-long. He’s also not much for change.

Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Eph 5:15 Message

Every parent marvels at the passing of time. Penciling increasing height when they’re young morphs into part time jobs and driving cars, leaving little time to wonder about marking height on doorways anymore….

I was especially sentimental that morning, as I woke to the wall describing my baby girl, and her interests. Adding to the sentimentality, my oldest daughter would be on an international flight to Europe in 24 short hours. I found their bedrooms last Sunday morning to be a place where old loves linger, new interests take center wall, and many trends change as they grow. There is history on those walls…on the shelves…stuffed in closets…much of the “material” things simply a reflection of where the heart was at the time.

They have to have fun, explore the world and enjoy what it offers. Their Mom must accept that what’s most meaningful might not have been reached for in weeks…

While she also thanks God that one particular shelf is used every single night…

We hold on to the hope that while teenagers enjoy various interests and check out this spinning ball of rock for themselves, they will eventually gravitate back to their foundation.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Prov 22:6

I take special notice of the word “old”. While some children seem to love the Lord with abandon, and their faith wanes little during the teen years, others begin to question and contemplate and absolutely need to be given space. Perhaps only then can they truly, eventually “live the life” instead of merely “going through the motions” of church.

The paint, photos, celebrities, interests…they will continue to change. No matter the speed of time, I have paid much, much closer attention in recent months (maybe because of One Thousand Gifts?), because I don’t want to miss anything.

I ask God to burn the memories into my brain, but just in case some fade, I thank Him for photography and the written word. And, for the written Word that is forever timeless.