Why We Struggle to Respect Others’ Parenting Health Care Decisions-Microchipping is One Reason

Why do we struggle to respect the health care choices other parents make for their children? I think the answer is: because “their decisions” potentially affect our own children.

Several years ago, one of my students gave a presentation arguing against the use of VeriChip, which are microchip implants placed in humans containing their medical information and/or for mere purposes of identification should the person go missing (they have since been referred to for many other uses as well). Her mother had given permission for a physician to insert the chip into her little sibling’s arm. My student proceeded to give an account of the side effects of the chip implant, including major skin issues including the body identifying the object as foreign as it attempted to push it out through the skin.

I was both revolted and riveted. I was unaware of the chip. Little did I know that the FDA had approved microchipping long before her presentation. This student had primary research and had effectively convinced all of us in the room that VeriChips (now being rebranded as “PositiveID) which are RFID (radio frequency identification) was a grotesque invasion of the human body and basic privacy.

Why did I feel the urge to immediately judge my student’s mother? Because, as one news report previously claimed, all children will be microchipped ‘sooner than later’. This could mean my future grandchildren and I’m wholeheartedly in alignment with my student’s argument against.

Thus, the “it affects ME and MINE” answer to my question why we have trouble respecting others’ parenting health decisions.

I didn’t know the student’s mother but once I began to delve into the topic on my own a bit more, I was appalled. But, if she thought it was beneficial for her son (perhaps he had a chronic condition we are unaware of), I must respect that decision. The issue lies in whether or not someone else’s decision will mandate something in my own family.

For example, when my kids were toddlers and we went for pediatrician visits, it was a fine day out. Sometimes, it was even fun. But as the years wore on, medical staff were required to attend endless conferences where they were given nothing but worse-case scenarios for abuse, disease and reckless human behaviors. They were also increasingly required by law to impose or at the least, strongly push multiple new procedures, questioning and optional vaccinations. The results? More mandates even for the normal, healthy, rule-following families. Asking a sheltered 10-year old about graphic sexual possibilities at the hand of a relative or family friend literally causes anxiety and stress on the child.

I do understand the need for some “idiot-proof” rules. I understand that doctors are just too overwhelmed anymore to take the time to get to know their patients and families, especially those physicians who only see you annually. I understand that many are inconvenienced so many can be saved. Whether it’s the tedious TSA security checks thanks to terrorists or deeply disturbing medical questionnaires given to innocent 10-years olds thanks to the depraved, psychotic abusers in this world, we are forced to participate in activities we are not responsible for.

A few weeks ago, I came across news that pregnant Kat Von D had decided not to vaccinate her son once he is born. The only reason that I even recognized her name is because earlier this year I splurge-purchased on the best concealer brush that I have ever used, created by Kat Von D (Lock It). I knew the name Kat Von D from Sephora, but never heard of the show, LA Ink. There was a Twitter flurry of criticism with endless calls to ban use of her cosmetics line. I really didn’t understand why Kat Von D’s decision was anyone’s business but her own.One of the arguments presented amid the insanity on social media was that her child going to Kindergarten may affect the other children in the class, as perhaps KVD’s son would carry something (a germ? a disease?) as a result of not being immunized. But even that argument is weak, as if you are pro-vaccinations (and in full disclosure, all my children were vaccinated) your child is protected. It was rare to see any post where someone actually cared about the well-being of the child, it was really about their opinion.

Chatter about microchipping humans and Kat Von D’s lack of immunizing her child have quieted down. While microchipping humans is rare (and has since moved to hands instead of arms), it is out there: CBS News. Last year, The New York Times also did a piece on companies potentially microchipping their employees: Microchip Implants for Employees?

Whether new parents or those of us with college-aged kids, this parenting business is a marathon. We are fully responsible for choosing wisely for our own, but I am personally trying to get better about accepting others’ decisions. We’re already tired from the daily activity, we don’t need to stress ourselves further by what our neighbor is doing.

If a parent wants to go against the grain every once in a while, whether because they are young and inexperienced or older and worn out, I’m going to try harder to respect their decisions. But, like most Moms, I have a limit for my nest (not yours) and I draw the line at microchips.

Family Silhouette Image: freepik.com

Click on KVD brush image to see product. 

Paying for Other’s Bad Behavior Is Making Me a Little Cranky

Lucy courtesy Charles Schulz via Cafe Press

Lucy courtesy Charles Schulz via Cafe Press

Now in my mid 40’s, I’ve officially experienced enough of life where paying (in time or money) for other people’s bad behavior, no-show tendencies, and last-minute procrastination is making me cranky. Over my adult life, when I or my kids have received unfair treatment, I’ve definitely handled it firmly, but always with respect toward others, even when they might not have deserved it. I’ve followed policies that were ridiculous because I “understood”.

Why have I attempted to do the right things? I have hoped to be a good example to my kids. I’ve thought that it would please God. Because I’ve observed that the senior citizens who are still nice after 80 years of living on this planet have made the effort to remain kind. Now that my kids are teenagers, I’m a little worn out from always doing the right things.

– For example, my son had his wisdom teeth out recently. I had written proof (and so did the office) that my insurance would cover the cost. The “policy” was that I had to pay $700 cash up front and wait 2 months for the office to write me a refund check. I was a little cranky. When I questioned the policy, the response was, “Well, so many parents weren’t paying their balance not covered by insurance.” But I’m not that parent!

– For years, the same 15% of the congregation at church did 100% of the work. Instead of being grateful, the 85% often complained about something. This makes volunteers a little cranky. The followers of the “serve your church” rule get piled with more until they learn that sometimes, you have to say “no”, and they hate to say no.

– One of my children takes instrument lessons and the teacher sent out a lengthy handbook about new policies. The book’s theme hinted: ‘I’ve been burned and now-no more.’ Extremely specific guidelines were printed and parents were asked to sign. Why? Because some Moms call to say they’re not taking their kids out of the pool for lessons. I’m not that parent. I’m a rule follower. I’ll bring my tired child to lessons even if they need a day off to rest because I respect the teacher’s time, not because I’m a Tiger Mom.

Other parents are paying late? Yes, I’ll be happy to pay in advance, even though I just paid the oral surgeon $700. But, when I’m asked to pay for days when I know 6 months in advance that I won’t be there – and, when I have to pay a mandatory fee for events my child isn’t participating in, I’m a little cranky. Guess what? The non-payers will still pay late or not at all. The same parents will still blow off their lesson times without a courtesy phone call.

– Three days ago, I applied for a new job online. I embarked on completing a tortuously-long application form, which took me over an hour and a half to finish. Every other paragraph inserted a “WARNING” that “IMMEDIATELY” after completing the application, a personality test was required, or the information would NOT be looked at. I submitted the application, resume, cover letter, and rights to a 4th child if I ever have one. Then, I began the insanely time consuming personality test. I followed the directions – “immediately” beginning the personality test, when really, I should have ignored the “warnings” like most everyone else apparently does.

The test was getting so complicated (I was doing algebra), I took a quick break and scanned my email. I emailed the application at 1:03pm and began the long assessment. At 1:05pm, I received an email from said company that after careful consideration, they would not be pursuing my candidacy. Two minutes after I submitted part one of a “mandatory” two-part process, I received the automated Dear John letter. I was already an hour into the personality assessment.

Not sure if I should laugh or cry at how I had just spent an afternoon of my life, I emailed the Corporate Recruiter a friendly suggestion about how his Human Resources division could operate a little more respectfully of qualified candidates who actually read and follow the directions. After a little investigating with them and another large institution, guess why testing is required? So many people lie on their application forms, they need a “better” assessment than a resume. Guess why automated “not selected” responses are sent 2 minutes after submissions? The companies aren’t always recruiting for an existing position, they are bulking up their files to demonstrate a “commitment to diversity” for possible future examination.

– I’m sure you have countless examples of your own frustrations. I won’t torture you or myself with the broader issues of national health care and the number of people living in America who impressively avoid paying their taxes for 20 years.

Those who brag about “beating the system”, and who circumvent every other routine responsibility that is a normal part of being a grown up:  have mercy on us do-gooders that you mock. Please obey the rules. Be honest. It’s getting really hard for us to stay sweet toward you. 🙂

“We can’t allow ourselves to get tired of living the right way.” Galations 6:9 GWT

Mom Is Breaking The Rules?

I’ve often proclaimed that I am a rule follower. I like rules. They work for my inner cautious child who craves order.

“Grey areas” make me uncomfortable and delay my decision making ability. I tend to endlessly ponder the “what ifs” and “if not, then what?” Then, I question the post-decision, wondering “what if” and “if I had, then what?” (I know-it’s exhausting.)

Unfortunately for me, life is not black and white, and rules get questioned. Lines are blurred.

I have had to accept that rules really do conflict and often change – especially in the teen years. I held on long and tight to my nice, neat set of do’s and don’ts for myself and my children. As it usually goes with me, God has stretched me like Elastigirl, introducing circumstances and life happenings that force me to break my secure stance.

No longer is life as simple as it was years ago when the famous “time and a place rule” pretty much covered everything. You parents know it well: “The library is not the place to run around the tables and raise your voice, but at the playground? It is time to yell and have fun!” When the kids were younger, the rules were “say please and thank you” “stay in a line” “put things back where you found them”….easy peasy.

When children are little the same rules usually apply to everyone.

As the children have grown older, the rules occasionally change. While nearly every boundary set is rock solid for all three of my children, there have been few occasions when what is right for one child is not appropriate for the others’ personality. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would EVER treat a circumstance differently for one child or changed a rule, I would have dismissed you as crazy. Now, I laugh at my old rigid self who knew little of what was ahead. 

I teach my teen daughter who now drives to “be aware of your surroundings” “remember where you parked your car” “never answer anyone in a parking lot on your way to the car”. Yet, if she ignored a friendly greeting in that same parking lot in broad daylight five years ago, I’d be the first to ask her why she didn’t respond to the person.

Until a few years ago, I believed my kids should befriend and be nice to all, especially to their classmates who appeared separated from everyone else. That was until my son attempted to befriend a seemingly distant classmate one day who then promptly asked my son if he would like to get high together. In laughter my son said to me afterward, “How about we just be nice, but not always befriend?” There ensued a lengthy talk about being wise, discerning, still helping, showing love, remaining friendly but not close friends…these teen years require endless conversations…

In contemporary society, even a few federal laws are not God’s rules. We must explain that to our children. And, some laws have been broken, bringing greater good to mankind.

Rosa Parks and Nelson Mandela come to mind…

I still love absolutes. They give me the security my spirit often needs. But this is real life and kids change, situations change, and I must adapt. Not conform to this world, but definitely be more flexible.

Paying for Other’s Bad Behavior Is Making Me a Little Cranky

Lucy courtesy Charles Schulz via Cafe Press

Lucy courtesy Charles Schulz via Cafe Press

Now in my mid 40’s, I’ve officially experienced enough of life where paying (in time or money) for other people’s bad behavior, no-show tendencies, and last-minute procrastination is making me cranky. Over my adult life, when I or my kids have received unfair treatment, I’ve definitely handled it firmly, but always with respect toward others, even when they might not have deserved it. I’ve followed policies that were ridiculous because I “understood”. Why have I attempted to do the right things? I have hoped to be a good example to my kids. I’ve thought that it would please God. Because I’ve observed that the senior citizens who are still nice after 80 years of living on this planet have made the effort to remain kind. Now that my kids are teenagers, I’m a little worn out from always doing the right things.

– For example, my son had his wisdom teeth out recently. I had written proof (and so did the office) that my insurance would cover the cost. The “policy” was that I had to pay $700 cash up front and wait 2 months for the office to write me a refund check. I was a little cranky. When I questioned the policy, the response was, “Well, so many parents weren’t paying their balance not covered by insurance.” But I’m not that parent!

– For years, the same 15% of the congregation at church did 100% of the work. Instead of being grateful, the 85% often complained about something. This makes volunteers a little cranky. The followers of the “serve your church” rule get piled with more until they learn that sometimes, you have to say “no”, and they hate to say no.

– One of my children takes instrument lessons and the teacher sent out a lengthy handbook about new policies. The book’s theme hinted: ‘I’ve been burned and now-no more.’ Extremely specific guidelines were printed and parents were asked to sign. Why? Because some Moms call to say they’re not taking their kids out of the pool for lessons. I’m not that parent. I’m a rule follower. I’ll bring my tired child to lessons even if they need a day off to rest because I respect the teacher’s time, not because I’m a Tiger Mom. Other parents are paying late? Yes, I’ll be happy to pay in advance, even though I just paid the oral surgeon $700. But, when I’m asked to pay for days when I know 6 months in advance that I won’t be there – and, when I have to pay a mandatory fee for events my child isn’t participating in, I’m a little cranky. Guess what? The non-payers will still pay late or not at all. The same parents will still blow off their lesson times without a courtesy phone call.

– Three days ago, I applied for a new job online. I embarked on completing a tortuously-long application form, which took me over an hour and a half to finish. Every other paragraph inserted a “WARNING” that “IMMEDIATELY” after completing the application, a personality test was required, or the information would NOT be looked at. I submitted the application, resume, cover letter, and rights to a 4th child if I ever have one. Then, I began the insanely time consuming personality test. I followed the directions – “immediately” beginning the personality test, when really, I should have ignored the “warnings” like most everyone else apparently does.

The test was getting so complicated (I was doing algebra), I took a quick break and scanned my email. I emailed the application at 1:03pm and began the long assessment. At 1:05pm, I received an email from said company that after careful consideration, they would not be pursuing my candidacy. Two minutes after I submitted part one of a “mandatory” two-part process, I received the automated Dear John letter. I was already an hour into the personality assessment.

Not sure if I should laugh or cry at how I had just spent an afternoon of my life, I emailed the Corporate Recruiter a friendly suggestion about how his Human Resources division could operate a little more respectfully of qualified candidates who actually read and follow the directions. After a little investigating with them and another large institution, guess why testing is required? So many people lie on their application forms, they need a “better” assessment than a resume. Guess why automated “not selected” responses are sent 2 minutes after submissions? The companies aren’t always recruiting for an existing position, they are bulking up their files to demonstrate a “commitment to diversity” for possible future examination.

– I’m sure you have countless examples of your own frustrations. I won’t torture you or myself with the broader issues of national health care and the number of people living in America who impressively avoid paying their taxes for 20 years.

Those who brag about “beating the system”, and who circumvent every other routine responsibility that is a normal part of being a grown up: have mercy on us do-gooders that you mock. Please obey the rules. Be honest. It’s getting really hard for us to stay sweet toward you. 🙂

“We can’t allow ourselves to get tired of living the right way.” Galations6:9GWT