Apology Doesn’t Always Equal Changed Behavior

“I can see Your heart in everything You’ve made….”

This lyric of the worship song, So Will I (100 Billion X) by Hillsong United, rang in my mind as I looked at a disgruntled employee in my office.

The manager stood over the young man’s chair, describing a serious event that had transpired a few minutes earlier. I was surprised by the situation but remained focused on the employee, searching him for explanation…as if his body language, his dark eyes and clearly agitated presence would reveal to me why he would have committed such an act at a professional office.

The young man expressed sincere remorse and I truly believed him. He was indeed sorry. I’m certain of it.

With certainty, I also knew that if I retained his employ, another instance of something bad would definitely ensue. Perhaps even more serious.

I thought of David and King Saul. After the second time David could have ended Saul’s life but didn’t, David confronted Saul… why did he continue to hunt David to destroy him? What had he done wrong? Saul expressed disgust in his own behavior, apologizing to David, “I’ve sinned! Oh, come back, my dear son, David! I won’t hurt you anymore.” (1 Sam 26:21 MSG)

King Saul had sincerely asked David to come back with him, but notice David “went on his way” (verse 25). Even palace living couldn’t entice David after all he experienced with Saul.

David likely believed Saul was sincere in the moment. He also knew Saul well enough to know, it was just a matter of time before another spear flew at his head.

In the world of work, it is easier to receive a sincere apology and yet, still follow established rules. Making hard decisions knowing there will be limited, if any, contact with the person adds a sprinkle of ease. Still hard, but not like seeing the initially remorseful person regularly, observing again and again the repentant heart offend, hurt and leave new scars in the wake of their path.

God is merciful. To have us consistently sinful humans come to Him with remorse, knowing we’ll fall again, He still accepts and loves us. From a human perspective, it’s much easier to cut the person out of your life. Thankfully, He’s not us.

Let’s be clear that I do not see His heart in “everything” such as disgusting spiders, truly evil humans, etc., but I could see good in the young man across from me. I had observed him for a couple of months and surmised there was something in his life causing confusion in his mind and cluttered thinking that led to irrational comments and eventually, the concerning event which transpired. But, he was also energetic, engaging and had mentioned on more than one occasion that he liked his job.

I pray the young man grows wiser. We all fall short. It’s how we move forward that continues to develop our character.

“And as You speak, a hundred billion failures disappear…”

(Hillsong United, So Will I)

The Beginning of Advent

We all know that the higher we go, the smaller everything below appears. On a recent flight, I thought about God’s view of our physical world.  Our seemingly big homes look like tiny Legos.

Once the plane soars above the clouds, earthly treasures are not visible at all. We are such tiny specks in the vastness of the galaxies. Yet, Jesus decided to come down from on high to love on we little people, assuring us that we are anything but “tiny” in His eyes. Focusing on how He sees us is a struggle. At our jobs, we work toward earning trust and respect from our superiors. At home, we tend to give extensively, wondering if the future outcomes will match the current effort.

It takes quiet time with Him to refocus and get centered on the absolute Truth this world tends to dismiss and mock. That’s what Advent will be for me this year: Him and remembering how He sees us.

“O come, O come, Emmanuel…” 

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Monday Gratitude

Counting today, there are only 11 days until Thanksgiving.

Merry Christmas.

We have had temps in the teens and 20’s with a full blanket of snow on the ground for over a week.

The winter weather makes it easy to forget about Thanksgiving and move right into Christmas. Even if we’re able to ignore the wreaths that went up in stores promptly after school started in September, it’s tempting to bypass this one day we devote to gratitude.

I’ve started Christmas shopping, recording Hallmark movies and making lists. I love the sparkly, glittering decorations in my town and in the stores just as much as the next girl. Yet, I’m taking the time to slow my roll and literally count my blessings. When I struggled to clear my mind to sleep the other night, I started thanking God for blessings one by one. Gratitude worked better than melatonin.

I wish you peace in the remaining days until we celebrate God’s good gifts with food, friends, family and football. And may that peace reign in your life throughout the extensive birthday party preparations for the Prince of Peace Himself.

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

Colossians 3:15 NLT

We Want It Now God

We want it now God.

Healing for our loved ones. Not in a little while longer. It’s already been too long. They need energy for work. To earn a living. To pay the medical bills and restock the drained savings account. Energy to play with their children. They want to help their children raise their children…we want the healing now.

Salvation for those who refuse to accept Jesus. You break down hardened hearts, not us. We don’t care about the journey getting there 10 years from now. We’ve already been praying for 10 years. Time is up. We want them saved now.

We want the promotion now. We’ve already been patient. We’ve waited on You.

We don’t want to go through the hard times to appreciate the good times. We just want the good times. Now.

We want an easier life. Now. So that we can finally relax and enjoy the rest of our days in peace; with security; with less worry.

Yet at our inner core we know this is not how He works. The journey does matter for the unsaved. The prayer journey for those praying matters. He uses the misery, the pain, the drudgery, monotony, unfairness…it is all His will not ours.

It is always His timing, never ours.

So we surrender.

“But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.” NLT 2 Peter 3:8

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